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REAL LIFE STORIES
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What's on offer: Real life stories
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Families attend The Family Haven for many reasons - some need the basics that many of us take for granted, and look for a hot daily meal, access to our second hand clothing
store and use of our bathroom and laundry. Others attend so they can avail of our counselling and advocate service, parenting classes and information sessions. But one thing they all have in common is a need for support at
this particular time in their lives. The case studies below describe some of the difficulties facing families we assist.
Names have been changed.
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1. A single Dad
- Single father of one child whose partner kept abandoning the family, as she did not want the responsibility of the child. The mother finally moved away to another town. Our client had to give up work to look after his
child full time.
How The Family Haven helped - We were able to support him through his custody battle, which he won. We also helped him with the Benefits Agencies and Housing dept to help him keep a roof over their heads. The Family’s current situation When they first came to us the young boy was very clingy and distressed if his father left him in the nursery. However, with lots of dedication on the part of the nursery staff the child has now settled and the father is able to spend time in the Clients lounge. Our client needs to talk over areas of concern regarding his son and needs lots of reassurance that he is caring for him adequately. We have praised his efforts for coping so well with bringing up a young son alone. 2. Family in B&B This family were in Bed and Breakfast and had been for a long time. The family consisted of a pregnant mum with four young children, two of whom had special needs. At the time of registration she was living with her partner. The situation in the B&B was very fraught as some of the residents had complained about the noise the children made and had even verbally threatened the mother. How The Family Haven helped To begin with we offered respite sessions for the two younger children and they did their washing with us several times a week. Although the situation wasn’t good they seemed to be coping quite well. The mother then suffered a miscarriage and shortly after this her partner left her and took their giro. She was left with no money and came to us in tears. We contacted her social worker to inform them of the situation and we provided her with a food parcel and some nappies. The Family’s current situation The mother continued to come to us and when her children broke up from school she brought them in with her and continued to do her washing here. Her partner has now returned and they have finally been re-housed. We provided respite for the two youngest children when she had to collect the keys and again on moving day. Now that they have been re-housed they don’t need to attend The Haven anymore. 3. Isolated, ill and money problems This family consisted of a mum and two very young children. The mother had been living out of county with her husband and children but her relationship had broken down, so she moved back to Gloucester because she had family here. She had been long term sick and this caused terrible problems with benefits. The communication between Income Support, Incapacity Benefit and her employer was terrible. The situation went on for some weeks with her having no money, except what she could borrow from relatives. How The Family Haven helped The constant hassle with the various benefits departments had left her exhausted and in despair. We felt we had to step in and try to alleviate the situation. One of us accompanied her to DSS to find out exactly what the problem was and what could be done to resolve matters. This visit was not productive so we then accompanied her to the law centre, where thankfully our client was treated with compassion and respect. They advised our client on the best course of action and agreed to approach her employer on her behalf for the relevant documentation. The Family’s current situation She is now finally in receipt of income support and incapacity benefit and is just waiting to hear about her housing benefit. She still finds the children hard to cope with, and has the stress of her impending divorce to get through but at least she has piece of mind about her immediate financial situation. Testimonials... 4. A mum of 2 wrote to tell us how vital The Haven has been to her progress in life. She has given permission for us to use the contents of her letter. Below are extracts “….I had been at The Haven for 18 months or so following a stay in Wotton Lawn (psychiatric hospital) during a breakdown…...I have now completed an Access to Higher Education in Art & Design. I will either go on to do an HNC or try for a degree place. Either way I am developing into the person I wanted to be as a young woman. I just know that without The Haven my life would have been unmanageable. I can hardly remember my children’s younger years because I was so unhappy, confused and defensive. When I arrived at The Haven you gave me the little booklet of rules and information. I felt as though I was being given a few basic guidelines in how to become socially included again. I can tell you, before that, life had become pretty chaotic. Family breakdown is literally demoralising. You can feel socially untouchable. To be accepted, welcomed, given a cooked meal and your children looked after in the nursery was just what I needed. Thanks to you at The Haven I and my children have the best foundation we could have had. The life we are now living is built on that. Without The Haven I don't know what I’d have done or where I’d be now. Thank you”. 5. “I didn't receive good parenting from my mum so how was I supposed to know what to do. Even though I have 3 children I am still learning. The parenting classes at The Haven have really helped me. I feel more confident as a mum” “all the staff are really friendly. I look on them as friends because I can share all my problems with them”. “I was referred to The Haven as my husband and I didn't know how to deal with our son’s difficult behaviour. As well as the respite The Haven provides, I have also been helped with coping strategies. Our son’s behaviour has really improved and a trip to the shops is no longer a nightmare” The next three stories show the work of the Haven by considering a day in the life of three of our clients. 6. Linda leaves her B&B at 9.30am and walks the short journey to The Family Haven with her 2 children. She is waiting to be housed and finds life very difficult with her baby of 8 months, and her 4 year old. She is also suffering from mental health issues and has no family support. She has no access to cooking facilities. As she is new to the area she hasn’t got a doctor and needs to find out about schools for her 4 year old. She saw a Haven poster in the B&B as well as in the Council Housing Department. She asked the Housing staff about The Haven who told her about the facilities. She feels anxious and nervous as she buzzes the door of The Haven. She is shown where the pram shelter is and then enters the warm building. Hazel the Nursery Supervisor welcomes the children into the nursery and invites Linda to stay for a while until the children are settled. Linda then goes upstairs where she puts her name and her children’s on the list for dinner. She loves the warm, friendly atmosphere of The Haven. Lorraine (the Manager) shows her around the building and also helps her to fill out her benefit forms (Housing and Income Support). Gill (Project Worker) liaises with Gayle (Health Visitor for the Homeless) to ensure that Linda has access to healthcare. As Linda is new to the area she has no doctor. Gayle fills out a GP Allocation Form. Linda makes herself a cup of tea in the clients’ kitchen before having a warm, relaxing bath. After dinner she will bath her 2 children. The B&B only has a shower and is very dirty - also, because she has to share with many others, often there is little or no hot water. At the end of the day the family will leave the Haven having been fed, feeling warm and clean. It helps her to face yet another night in the grotty B&B, knowing that she can return to The Haven in the morning. Update Linda has now registered with a doctor who has arranged for Linda to see a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse). Her allocated CPN visits Linda at The Haven where they have privacy and space to talk and suggests she attends Denmark Road Day centre for specialised help with her mental health issues. The children will be looked after in The Haven Nursery while Linda attends the sessions as she has nowhere else safe to leave them. As Linda’s eldest child is due to start school shortly Jacquie liaises with the Education Authority to register the child in a local school. She also shows Linda the clothing store in the attic where she finds a school uniform as well as a baby bath. She has started to make friends with the other clients and feels much more settled in her life.
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7.
Marian leaves the refuge with her 3 children. She has recently moved from a refuge in another part of the country to one in Gloucester. Her 3 year old son
has special needs. She doesn’t know how to cope with his behaviour. She has no confidence or enthusiasm for life due to the domestic violence she has experienced. She saw a poster about The Haven in the refuge and the
refuge staff suggested she use The Family Haven so she could access the preschool facilities that they cannot provide.
Emma (Deputy Nursery Supervisor) and Jenny (Nursery Nurse) have set up the children’s paddling pool outside. They help the 2 older children to change into some swimming costumes which had been donated to The Haven. The baby goes into the Baby Room in the nursery where Bronwen (Nursery Nurse) is looking after the little ones. In the Haven Nursery Marian’s 3 year old will receive the help he needs. He has behavioural problems due to the violence he has witnessed at home before the family left for the refuge. Update Lorraine, who has completed a Certificate in Counselling Skills and Theory, helps Marian to come to terms with the domestic violence she has experienced. Marian finds the parenting classes that Gill runs very helpful and learns new ways of dealing with her son’s behaviour. The Nursery Staff have helped to develop his social skills and concentrate on integrating him so he can mix with the other children. They remain firm but fair in dealing with his aggressive behaviour. His behaviour has started to settle down as he has learned how to freely express his feelings in a more constructive way. Marian knows she has many hurdles to cross but is starting to feel much calmer and more in control of her life.
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8.
Charlotte decides to save the bus fare and walk the 3 miles from her rented house to the Family Haven. The journey is quite a struggle as she has 2
large bags of dirty laundry and 2 children. She is in quite a state when she arrives at The Haven. Feeling tired, broken and unable to cope the Haven is the only place she has to turn to. She has recently broken up with
her partner (they had been living with his parents). After the relationship broke down she had nowhere to go. She has been in private rented accommodation for 6 weeks. The breakdown of her relationship has affected her
children, one of them particularly badly. She has no washing machine, and has very little in the way of household items - no Hoover or fridge and little furniture. She was referred to The Haven by her Health Visitor. Once at The Haven Charlotte puts the family’s names on the list for dinner before pouring her problems out to Jacquie (Deputy Manager). Charlotte then collects the key for the laundry. In the basement there are 3 washers and 3 driers as well as ironing boards and irons. She has so much stress in her life that a sense of relief floods over her as she puts the first wash on. As a result of her relationship breaking down her child has become enuretic (bedwetter). She has very limited bedding but The Haven can provide her with more. She goes to the clothing store where she fills a bag with clean sheets and covers. She then goes into the lounge where she catches up on some much needed sleep (due to her son’s enuresis she gets very little). When it is time to leave The Haven with her clean and dry laundry, Charlotte feels that she has the strength to get through another day. Update Charlotte has had problems with her landlord. There are vital repairs needed on her property, which he is unwilling to carry out. Jacquie, who had undertaken an Advocacy course has been liaising with Charlotte’s landlord on her behalf to get the repairs sorted out. Charlotte also had a lot of debt. Jacquie referred Charlotte to the Mother’s Union Money Advice service. Gill has sorted her out with some essential household items from The Haven’s stock and Lorraine has contacted BBC Radio Gloucestershire and Severn Sound to put out an appeal for furniture. Thanks to The Haven’s intervention Charlotte feels that at last she is making some progress and has made the first step towards her new life. |
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